The 2017 Wife Mock Draft
Lauren Mitchell
School: University of Virginia
Hometown: Charleston, SC
House: Middle Tier
Major: History
GPA: 4.0
Hair color: Brown
Height: 5′6
Weight: 125 lbs.
Cup Size: Full C (firm but pliable)
Pros:
– Headed to law school at UVA after graduation.
– All-ACC volleyball player. Tremendous athletic genes.
– A caboose that does not quit. Incredible figure.
– Her smile will blind you if you stare directly at it.
Cons:
– Jealous ex-boyfriend in the picture. Thing is, the dude cheated on her. What a fucking idiot.
– She actually poops.
Projected: First overall
Outlook: Have at her, fellas. She’s a superstar. She is going to end up marrying a PGA Tour pro or a fucking Saudi oil prince. Not that she’s a gold digger or a cleat chaser, she’s going to be snatched up by a high pedigree mate as soon as she hits the market. Move hard, move fast, once she has her claws in you, there’ll be no turning back. Buy, buy, buy..
All images via Shutterstock
Any word on what Maddie Schwarz’s nips look like?
7 years ago at 12:57 pmNo word as of yet. Got a guy on it.
7 years ago at 1:08 pmAny significance to your recent change in title from SVP of Media to Editor-in-Chief?
7 years ago at 1:16 pmBig fan of her. Reminds me of that pornstar that was a student at Duke
7 years ago at 3:40 pm^^BELLE KNOX
7 years ago at 3:41 pmI don’t believe in saying “good job” but I actually enjoyed this. And Lauren Mitchell is already lowkey talking to like three dudes, one of whom just earned a Tour Card. Don’t shoot the messenger.
7 years ago at 1:14 pmGod you still fucking suck
7 years ago at 1:40 pmDesi’s full bush is in the pro category if you ask me
7 years ago at 1:34 pmT1970sM
7 years ago at 6:09 pmMaddie Schwartz has an באַט made for אַנאַל and I will help myself.
7 years ago at 4:39 pmShe has a “slowly” made for “Anabel”
7 years ago at 12:55 pmSigmanugs mom:
Pros:
-freak In the sack
-an easy on call fuck 24/7
-deep anus
Cons:
-not a lot of tread left on the tires.
Projection: Late 7th to undrafted
7 years ago at 4:53 pmWow he owns a lot of real estate in your head doesn’t he?
7 years ago at 10:34 amNot quite junior. By the way when you guys fuck who’s pitching and who’s catching? You always seemed to strike me as someone who would enjoy taking it. Fucking loser.
7 years ago at 10:50 am“Taylor Swift on steroids”? Hell yeah, I would strap in and ride that bronc till she threw me.
7 years ago at 5:15 pmLily seems like a value pick. Holy water cures herpes, right?
7 years ago at 6:25 pmI’d fuck Maddie Schwartz’s anus so hard the Israelis would send Mossad after me like a Nazi who escaped to Argentina.
7 years ago at 7:16 pmDon’t sit there and talk like Julie King isn’t the obvious answer. Because it’s pretty clear she’s the answer.
7 years ago at 8:41 pmGotta agree with you here, attitude and crazy too often get lumped together. Consider Desi mid round sleeper with first round quality
7 years ago at 1:37 am