The 2017 Wife Mock Draft

Desi Adreadi

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School: University of Rhode Island
Hometown: Philadelphia, PA
House: Top Tier
Major: Business Administration
GPA: 2.9
Hair color: Black
Height: 5′10
Weight: 140 lbs.
Cup Size: D (plump swingers)

Pros:
– Mediterranean beauty. It’s crazy that a chick from Philly can look this exotic.
– Loves doggy.
– Incredible cook. Walking Greek stereotype.
– Family owns a villa in Santorini that they rent out, but visit twice a year.

Cons:
– Absolute psycho. Like, legitimately crazy.
– Full bush.
– Nonstop texter. Will blow you up constantly.
– Horrible driver. Even for a woman.

Projected: 2nd round “eh, what the hell?” pick

Outlook: Call me crazy, but I wouldn’t mind throwing caution to the wind here. Hear me out. I’m not entirely sold on the “crazy” scouting report. Europeans are passionate and that can get twisted as “mentally unstable.” She’s fucking fun. Take a shot on this one. I’m buying. Just don’t mention the Turks around her.

      1. Henry_Eighth

        Any significance to your recent change in title from SVP of Media to Editor-in-Chief?

        7 years ago at 1:16 pm
  1. Fratty Couples PGA

    I don’t believe in saying “good job” but I actually enjoyed this. And Lauren Mitchell is already lowkey talking to like three dudes, one of whom just earned a Tour Card. Don’t shoot the messenger.

    7 years ago at 1:14 pm
  2. jizzrag69v2

    Maddie Schwartz has an באַט made for אַנאַל and I will help myself.

    7 years ago at 4:39 pm
  3. thevaginator

    Sigmanugs mom:
    Pros:
    -freak In the sack
    -an easy on call fuck 24/7
    -deep anus

    Cons:
    -not a lot of tread left on the tires.

    Projection: Late 7th to undrafted

    7 years ago at 4:53 pm
      1. thevaginator

        Not quite junior. By the way when you guys fuck who’s pitching and who’s catching? You always seemed to strike me as someone who would enjoy taking it. Fucking loser.

        7 years ago at 10:50 am
  4. House of Paign

    “Taylor Swift on steroids”? Hell yeah, I would strap in and ride that bronc till she threw me.

    7 years ago at 5:15 pm
  5. No_menstruating_allowed

    I’d fuck Maddie Schwartz’s anus so hard the Israelis would send Mossad after me like a Nazi who escaped to Argentina.

    7 years ago at 7:16 pm
  6. HighballsWithGrandma

    Don’t sit there and talk like Julie King isn’t the obvious answer. Because it’s pretty clear she’s the answer.

    7 years ago at 8:41 pm
  7. BobMotherFuckingBarker

    Gotta agree with you here, attitude and crazy too often get lumped together. Consider Desi mid round sleeper with first round quality

    7 years ago at 1:37 am